Dear Employment Specialist,
I am an experienced bookkeeper who recently left a job that I had held for 7 years, after having a very difficult experience with my boss that lasted years. I have now begun looking for new work, but am unsure how to explain why I left the job without looking bad.
I left because I was feeling bullied by my manager, and was becoming very unhappy at work. For the first 5 years, I was perfectly happy – I enjoyed my work (and am good at it!) and I had a positive and supportive relationship with all my colleagues, including my manager. 2 years ago, the company was taken over by new management, and they replaced many of my colleagues and managers with their own staff. The atmosphere in the office completely changed. My new manager never had a good word to say to me. She wasn’t clear about what she wanted and yelled at me in front of my colleagues. I tried to not take it personally, but I was getting unhappier by the day, going home crying and hating my work. Eventually, I had to leave, for the sake of my own mental health.
I am now looking for a new job. What do I tell interviewers when they ask what happened to the last job? What do I do about a reference? Do I tell the truth?
Signed: Bullied
Dear Bullied,
It sounds like you have been through a very trying time. Good on you for prioritizing yourself and leaving that job. Obviously, your health should always come first.
But now, you are in a difficult position. The challenge for you is that employers usually want to know how the last job ended, and they often ask for references from your last manager. It’s a challenge for you to find the right thing to say — if you lie about what happened at the end of that job, you are taking a huge risk that you will be found out; being caught in a lie will end any prospects of you getting hired by that employer – telling the truth, on the other hand, is a challenge too, as employers are nervous if they think you might be a source of conflict in the office.
Despite the challenges, I recommend that you find a way to tell the interviewer what actually happened. You don’t have to share every detail. Try to not sound too emotional or overly critical of your previous employer. Reassure the interviewer that you have never had conflict before on the job, and that the first 5 years with that company were very positive, as were your prior jobs. Give them a sense that this was an anomaly – a one-off incident that you don’t expect will ever happen again.
You definitely do not need to tell the interviewer everything. Tell them enough so that they understand why you felt the need to leave the job and seek out a most suitable employer. Try not to bad-mouth the company unnecessarily and focus on yourself instead.
Could you find a reference from a colleague or previous supervisor? One of the best ways to reassure an employer that you are credible and that you get along well with others is by using good references. You could even tell the interviewer that you are confident that your references will confirm that you are generally a strong team player and a positive influence in your jobs. Coach your references to talk about your positive and constructive team work style.
Focus on the future and try to spend as little time as possible on the negative experience without sounding like you’re avoiding answering the question.
To prepare, think carefully through what you want to tell an interviewer, and write the answer out. Practice it, so you know it well. The less stressed you are about this issue, and the more confidently you can handle the answer, the less of a concern it will be to the interviewer.
Best of luck with your job search!
Shelagh says
Thanks for the explanation. It is a quite common subject and it is familiar to me, meaning I was facing the same problem (it is a common experience being bullied or harrased by a colleage or an employer). Would it be a constructive outlet to say “there was a toxic environment in my previous job” or “I was systematically harassed by one of the colleages on non-professional grounds”? Is there a real way to be more creative, is there a getaway of dignity, does it exist at all? Meaning what would the most sophisticated employee do in her place, without descending to the bully’s level or applying to law enforcement agencies, if the bullying is really personal and severe?
Steve Quan says
It’s very sad that this is allowed to happen in this day and age. The exact thing happened to a friend of mine, who worked at a very large and “respectable” corporation. if one does not happen to fit into the new “culture”, one is forced out in this very unfair way.
Karin Lewis says
Hi Shelagh and Steve,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful contributions.
You’re so right, Steven, that it often is about the match between employee and employer. Often, when an employee doesn’t quite fit into the culture of the company, they find themselves slowly being squeezed out.
Shelagh — it sounds like you had a really difficult experience. Unfortunately, the risk is that employers will likely give the benefit of the doubt to employers rather than to you, the employee. This means that it might not be well received if you call a workplace “toxic’, or say that you were “systematically harassed” (no matter how true it may be). The best way to address this, I think, is to downplay the conflict and remind the employer that these were exceptional circumstances for you — you are not used to having conflict on the job. Remember that their biggest concern is that you will bring conflict with you to this job, which they really don’t want. Explain that you were surprised to find yourself in a situation where it seemed impossible to get along with your co-worker, no matter what you did; you tried to make it work, but it just did not seem possible to resolve the issue, so you decided to leave and find a more suitable position.
These types of comments might help:
“Since things were not working out, my manager and I agreed that it was time for me to move on to a more suitable position. So here I am, ready to work”.
“I realize now, looking back that there might have been some things I could have done differently. I learnt a lot about myself and what I need to do to ensure this doesn’t happen again”.
“I usually get along really well with colleagues and managers, and I don’t expect this to happen again.”
Your goal is to quickly reassure the employer that this is not something they need to worry about, and to redirect the interview to discussing what you can do for the company for which you are interviewing.
I hope this helps. Good luck with your job search.
Jason Louie says
The bullied have to suffer even more when the reality is in job interviews you have to be hurt but not seem too hurt after being abused. Seems like there is no consequences to the bully. So sad and not surprising why systemic racism, oppression, income inequality (if you can’t get hired bec of reference check red flags) exists. I hope the corporate world can change their mindset to realize this.
Karin Lewis says
Hi Jason,
You are so right that bullying can have long-term impacts on the mental health, and career of employees. I, too, look forward to a time when this issue is properly understood and addressed by employers.
Thank you for your perspective.
Anon says
I am in the process of applying for jobs now, after two jobs in a row where both managers bullied me and no instance prior of any bullying ever occurring in any other job prior.
The first was a law firm where the bully (my manager) was also HR. Once I made a mistake and she said that it was ‘my reputation going down and not hers.’ I couldn’t understand as I was merely a law student so I didn’t have a ‘reputation’.
The second one was a government job so much better in terms of the complaints/HR, but when I met with HR about it they said that there was really nothing that they could do and this person was a known harasser however her knowledge of the business was so esoteric that they couldn’t do anything.
I am waiting for my prospective employer to say, “Wait, two in a row?” and my response will be, ‘Can you believe it? I know.’
I need to some how formulate responses which hide how angry I am that this has happened to me. It has had an incredibly detrimental effect on all aspects of my life. It is so difficult to move forward after 10 months of being bullied every single day. I have just finished my law degree and I never want to work anywhere ever again.
Karin Lewis says
Hi there, thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry you have had to go through all this. It must have left a real mark on your confidence as an employee. Seems like those employers really should have done more to support you.
In terms of interviews, I am wondering whether employers really need to know exactly what happened in interactions with your managers — perhaps you need to formulate a way of talking about the jobs in ways that focuses only on your strengths and accomplishments, rather than having to share any of that pain and trauma. It may be a good idea to find an Employment Counsellor and perhaps even a therapist to help you work through how this made you feel and to develop a strategy for moving forward.
Best wishes for this — do what you can to find the strength to move forward, and to ensure you have a better experience next time.
Ej says
I sincerely hope your search went well and that you’d found a suitable place to work after the ordeal you’re been through. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Currently in the process of resigning due to my second consecutive round of bullying by positions above me. This recent one being a manager. I can’t stand conflict, and know that I have to word everything perfectly in order to show storing foundations, I get this strange feeling or feeling hurt and a little broken from being bullied(abuse), but having to push through. It’s crazy. But looking forward to the next position hoping it’s with good souls.
Best wishes
amy says
I recently left my healthcare job due to bullying and discrimination. Although all the higher up knew what was going on they decided to look the other way because of a coworker spreading rumors and putting doubt into the doctors mind and the fact that the new manager was backing the bully it made the situation even worst. I couldn’t take any more of being in a toxic environment so I quit the same day. Now that I am applying for jobs again what do I say on the application? Do I tell them flat out it was a toxic culture? Any advise would be helpful.
Karin Lewis says
That sounds like a very stressful experience. Good on you for leaving. It is a challenge for job seekers to explain why they might have left a previous position, but I have seen people deal with it in two ways:
One approach is to tell the employers enough to be truthful, but not too much to raise a red flag about you being “a problem” employee. Let them know that it was a rare difficult circumstance and that you felt forced to leave for your own mental health. Emphasize how many good years you had with that company and in other jobs, and that you can still (hopefully) get references from colleagues from the position.It’s important to emphasize the fact that this isn’t a pattern for you that happens often — just an unfortunate circumstance beyond your control. I would avoid words like “toxic” and I would try to not say anything bad about the company. Employers might worry that you’re going to do the same about them in the future.
The other approach is to simply say that you chose to leave the company to look for a better option. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation. You could just say that you had been there long enough and wanted to find something better (such as the position you’re interviewing for). If you can find references from that company, even if it isn’t from your managers, that would help back up that story.
Any answer you give needs to be told with a certain level of confidence and without anger. You need to give the employer a sense that you’re over it and that you’re looking forward, not back. And as I said, don’t say bad things about the previous company, because employers do tend to side with employers rather than candidates.
Hope this helps.